Actually

Actually Huizenga is a musician and video artist based out of Los Angeles. Her music can be described as dance-y, electronic synth-pop with provocative lyrics a la Mylene Farmer and you can usually catch her performances in strip clubs, where it just seems fitting due to her openness and honesty concerning sexuality. Her videos and short films are colorful, decadent pieces that often deal with sexual taboos, lust and passion. Her persona could be described as Mae West meets Laura Palmer meets Courtney Love meets Marina Abramovic. But truly she is uniquely Actually.

Interview and Photographs by Emma Kathan

SIGN: Virgo
CITY: Los Angeles

What was the earliest sexual fantasy that you remember having?

I’m not sure if I even knew they were sexual at the time (pre-K for sure). But I knew that I couldn’t share them; so I stapled pieces of paper together, drew them out, and buried them under the rabbit hutch by the tennis court. I have the same sexual fantasies still . . .. You can see the less offensive ones in SoftRock.

Were you aware of your sexuality at a young age or did it happen later in life for you?

I have the same sexual perversions now that I had as a young child.

Did you ever feel shame about your body or your sexuality growing up, or were you always fairly comfortable with yourself in that way? 

I never felt shame even though I hid my perversions, I suppose out of respect for my parents, since I was living in their house? Sort of like Facebook today, I rely so heavily on this forum for housing my art that I will hide the most obscene and keep it semi-private. Shame in itself is sort of a turn-on for me anyhow. Like that movie with the hot guy that came out last year, shame has just become a part of sex, and for many it has become its own fetish.

I started taking pictures of myself in middle school, so I suppose I have been fairly comfortable with my body for a while. I used to be ‘scary-skinny’ as they say until I got my period and grew boobs senior year. I hated getting breasts, mostly because I looked less like a boy, but now I am into it. Its kind of cool to have lived two lives with totally different types of bodies. I suppose that I was a bit embarrassed once when I was at a mall with my mother on an escalator and a woman whispered to her daughter, ‘Look at that anorexic girl.’ That made me angry, because I just found out what that was at a school assembly where they told us that we didn’t have to be 100 pounds. (I was 98 pounds and 5’4″ in middle school). At the same time they let one girl know that it was okay that she was a lesbian; that girl was not asking to be let-out and she ran away. That assembly made more girls anorexic than they had been before! Funny how that works . . ..

Actually Huizenga

I think your work is very brave, honest, and even funny, which (being funny) is such a big part of being honest. Did you feel nervous making your first SoftRock video, or do you still feel nervous at all about being so open about your sexuality? 

I like that you said I am sexual and funny at the same time because that is exactly what I want. If a man can make me laugh and cum at the same time, then I am truly happy.

As for being nervous about making SoftRock, the truth is that the project was a bonding process between me and my boyfriend Socrates. I was having fun through filming and having sex and then suddenly I was editing it all together and putting music to it. I feel like maybe I should be more nervous about it, because everyone keeps telling me that I cannot be a pop star now, that I should’ve waited until after fame to get NC-17. But SoftRock was a part of my coming together with Socrates. I pretty much incorporate my real life into my art because life is so short and making art makes me happiest.

What inspires you about the city you live in?

Ha-ha. The weather to be totally truthful!

Also early Hollywood history (especially pre-code Hollywood—the time in between early talkies and the Haye’s Code).

What do you have recurring dreams about?

Marilyn Manson and flooded castles.

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What is your zodiac sign? Do you feel like there are aspects of your personality that hold true with the traits of your sign? 

Virgo. I feel like I am still a virgin most days, sometimes in a good way, sometimes bad. Also, I am too nice.

I was doing a little pre-interview internet searching and you have a very interesting family. Your father is a physician and author who worked on several shows as a consultant, including what I believe most recently was The Biggest Loser, and your mother was a Playmate. It seems like your family must have been very health conscious and body aware. What was typical life like for you and your family when you were growing up?

My father made me go running up to the Observatory a lot. In high school, I was in cross country and made it to State finals, alone. Like, my team was there in their uniforms, but I was the only one running. I remember my father always being there and running alongside the finishing stretch; that image will stick with me forever, my dad at the finish line screaming, overly happy. Then orange peels surrounding a passed-out girl shivering who was being covered in towels. Her urine stained short shorts barely covering her long legs in the dirt. These were hard times, but I truly became a warrior. My family made me into a Hollywood-warrior. I still run and it equals out my junk food and alcohol intake. Also, the endorphins from running are better than most drugs.

Actually Huizenga

You show some taboo fantasies in your work like forced sex, domination and multiple-partner fantasies. Is it hard for you to get the so called “rape fantasy” depicted in a way where you aren’t worried about sending the wrong message to men?

Some of the best fantasies are the most dangerous. Rape and violence is a part of human nature. Humans have the most advanced brain and therefore will commit the strangest offenses and most horrible crimes. The bigger the brain, the more complicated the evil will become. Even a dolphin rapes. I’m not sure if the dolphin is making excuses, but at least humans think that they can make excuses.

I don’t know why exactly women have rape-fantasies but I do know that is it linked to evolution. Many animals in nature rape each other; it is the sex process for many animals. I don’t know if a female cat likes it when the male’s penis latches onto her insides and she screams, but I do know that this is nature. ‘Nature’ is not ‘kind.’

In SoftRock I am depicting one woman’s fantasy. Having an orgasm is very healthy, being truly raped is not; I don’t know how to make it ‘okay.’ Humans will rape and murder no matter what. I am just going to try and stay alive and be turned-on for as long as possible.

What projects are you currently working on? 

I am writing and recording my new album Viking Angel, and planning two new music videos for the end of Summer, one of them will hopefully be featuring La Cicciolina.

Actually Huizenga

http://www.actuallyactually.com/

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